my first surrogate journey

Today is September 15th.  It's been a lucky day for me since high school.  My first date ever was on September 15th.  We have long since said our goodbyes, but it was a milestone nonetheless.  When my first boyfriend and I were in a wreck serious enough to total his truck and send me to the ER and a plastic surgeon, the insurance settlement checks started coming every September 15th, after I turned 18.  I started my first case management job on September 15th, 2001.  And now, it looks like we are hearing from the lawyer about our surrogacy contract on September 15th 2009.  This date has taken me through so many milestones of my life!  I can't help but feel excited, like this date is so auspicious, it must mean good things for this journey!  I have wanted to be a surrogate since I was in junior high.  I watched a special on 60 minutes about someone who was doing it.  At the time, I didn't quite have a grasp on the seriousness of the medical procedures, but I thought it was *so* wonderful for someone to take on a physical burden in order to help another family.  

Since I have become a mother, I have felt so lost in love with my children.  Everyone talks about these moments, and we do understand them from the outside.  But experiencing them is different that theoretical understanding.   When I say that being a parent is an act of unselfishness, it does not mean that I find myself no longer selfish.  Just that I am more aware of when I am selfish, and I am more likely to dismiss desires that have no merit other than my own selfishness.  I can tell now when that is my motivation.  When I say it is amazing that these people came from us, I don't mean that I think we are masters of creation, or that anything my dear spouse and I have done merits our reproductive organs to function better than others do.  I mean that we have miraculously managed to impart such values and support to our children that they are being invented.  It is truly a wonder when our personalities begin, and to see someone's dharma develop is something that makes me feel honored, just to witness it.  Just to be able to take a moment to recognize it.  

Because of these things, and so many unquantifiable ones, I feel that being a parent is a gift.  I have witnessed parents of all sorts, biological, step, adoptive, and otherwise, who have experienced the same thing.  I want to be a part of that gift to someone.